silent screams

aku sedih. mena2, seriously, utterly sedih. i know i know, no more emo posts, tp aku dh sik tahan. 
im tired of being the next person, the second person, as if i dont count. as i shouldnt be cared about. aku msh ingat, 1st day uni, aku turun sorang2. dhyakan, sekda sorg pun tyk how was my day and all. kecik ati. aku diam jak, maybe daknya dh treat aku kdk adult. adik ku msk junior high ritok, smpe mak sggp jln kaki ambk nya pulang.smpe mak tertanyak2 psl nya. endless questions. aku jwb jak. then aku msk bilit, dgr nya pulang. my dad tyk how was her day and all. well what do we have there, a diamond in the family. aku? aku rasa tersisih. akulah org gaji, akulah tukang masak, akulah driver, akulah anak tirik. wpun it's been said in a joke kinda way, it still hurts. aku plg dr uni, sekda pun org tyk how was my day. pointer aku boleh dikatakn tggi, u know what's been said, "ne dpt scholarship mun gya. pa ndak di polah dkat campus" hancor hati. aku nok blaja bertungkus lumus, kwangkwit dr piasau tok ke curtin nun, msh dipdh mcm ya? 
apa gk yg harus aku polah. apa gk. aku rasa mk give up. on everything. aku dh lemah gilak2. 
even grk aku dgn aku, org mesti pike pasal nya ajak. kebahagiaan nya, well-being nya, gne nya affected mun aku tinggalkan nya. WHAT ABOUT ME?!! aku sik dikira ka? kebahagiaan aku sik penting?! 
lemah. aku dh lemah gilak2